Last day...a renewed star!

I don't claim to know everything about how the universe works but I have to admit, that sometimes, it completely blows me away!  As the year comes to an end, a falling star landed at my feet.  At first sight, stars glitter and shine and a viewer's eyes are quickly distracted by other shimmering wonders in the midnight sky.  That first star, the one I spent years gazing at, could no longer be seen as my eyes were easily overwhelmed by so many look-alikes appearing, crowding the black canvas.  At first, my star felt loved and desired, the center of attention, only to be over-shadowed by so many others wanting a similar limelight.  As time passed on, its brightness began to fade and as it tried to put forth the effort to sparkle as it once did, it couldn't.  So many other stars shared the same moon's reflection.  So many other stars blocked my line of sight.

Then, in a stroke of brilliance, the once popular star came up with a wonderful plan, requiring much courage and strength.  Regardless of what the outcome would be, it was going to make its move, successfully or die trying.  Without warning and without fear, the dimly lit star raced passed the others and, with one last muster of light, dove through the sky.  Many eyes watched in wonder as the star fell, shooting across the sky and then disappearing over the horizon.  Except for me, I know exactly where my first star landed, right in front of me.  My star's light glowed with excitement and fully recharged, shining like never before.  It was once again the center of my attention, the sparkly in my eye.  Somehow, the universe knew what others did not.  Somehow, the universe, 20 years later, brought a dear friend back into my life and on this last day of the year, I am blessed by the shimmering light that was once fading away!

End of year blagh...

As the end of the year settles in, I am finding that it is tough to be excited.  It is almost like waiting for something magical to happen and it's taking way too long.  I know that the next year will be great, each year always is, but this is the time of year that I have the most struggles.  I have worked so hard to make it through the year and am ready to catapult into the new year but now I have to wait for it to happen.  Everyone around me is off from work or their office is semi-vacant.  There isn't much noise outside my window, everything seems quite as if we are all supposed to hide inside and wait til the coast is clear.  My mind is relaxed and my body has enjoyed the extra workouts as I find ways to help time pass.  The NY Writer's Conference is coming up in four weeks and that is what I am focused on.  So, instead of writing, I've gone to the theatre to see a few movies, which is nice, and make more frequent stops at Starbuck's, which is nicer.  I think I'm feeling the funk!

In retrospect, the end of just about anything is filled with let-down.  Each of us has put forth so much time and energy trying to make this past year the best that it could be, like an 11 month high.  Now, we are sobering up as the we reach the end of this rainbow and await a new one to shine.  Some would say to keep pressing on and make the most of the last few days, like not slowing down at the finish line of the marathon so that you don't lose one second on your time.  Well, I say, if you're feeling like me, now is a great time for doing other things too.  We all know that when the new year comes, we will head into it with a plan for attack.  So why not allow yourself, this week, to tidy up and prepare for the next week, the next year?  There is always much to do but there is not always a set time every year, like this week of blagh, where you can just accept the inevitable high let-down and do something different.  I really should learn new ways to tie my scarfs!

A day to be inspired...

Last night, I felt that I needed some inspiration to write and made a plan to get up the next morning (today), get dressed, eat breakfast and then go to one of my favorite places to write, my local coffee shop.  Yes, it's true.  I love writing at my coffee shop and I had almost forgotten all about it.  Over the last six months, I have been so consumed with writing books that were already on my plate that I had forgotten to take some time to keep my inspiration going.  Sure, we can run on the fuel of our past inspirations for so long but they will not keep us going for ever.  I know, its sad but true.  And yes, I actually had to plan a time for me to go and be inspired.  Sitting at home all day, writing, is a dream come true for me but it can at times feel isolating.  I see the same couch, the same book shelf, the same bathroom and kitchen and dresser.  Don't misunderstand me, I love my place but I need to get out of it and go write elsewhere sometimes and so I did.  Yeah for me! 

Even though I am not a socialite, I enjoy seeing other people do their thing.  I enjoy feeling their energy and I especially enjoy checking out their latest fashion trends.  Yes, I am a closeted fashion junky who loves soft fabrics, nice watches, and a well put together outfit, which is why I am wearing my blue cashmere scarf over my red puma tee-shirt that also has blue in it.  You see, it is things like this that we forget about when we are so focused on something else all of the time.  Each person has many facets and each facet needs to be given proper time and attention.  It is what makes us whole and complete.  So, regardless of what you are doing today, make sure to give your other facets some attention.  You'll be inspired and feel better about yourself!  Now, I must drink my favorite coffee (except for the kind my lover makes me) and keep writing with my new inspiration and energy! 

Thinking ahead...

Though the holidays are among us, I cannot help but think of the upcoming year and all that may be in store.  I will be attending the New York Writer's Conference in January and pitching my fantasy book for young teens.  Thankfully, I have a wonderful editor, Jess (deskofjess.com), who has assured me that my book will be ready for the event.  This last week has been spent trying to get my pitch down to under a minute since time with agent's at the conference is short.  I also will be implementing my marketing plan for my newly released book 101 Behaviors..., thanks to the help of my wonderful assistant Mary (writersassistant.com), and will be interviewed by several book reviewers and bloggers for pod casts.  It is a very exciting time for me and I believe it is going to be an exiting time for you too!

The New Year doesn't necessarily mean that everything has to be new.  There are probably many things that you have started that will continue on into the new year.  I would encourage you to get excited about the continuation of things and how you can improve on what has already been started.  Everything that you accomplished, or didn't accomplish, in the past year still has life to it.  Just because a new year begins doesn't mean to forget about old projects.  As an author, I have learned that finishing a book is truly just the beginning of the process.  There is still much work that needs to be done and the new year brings a renewed sense of life to that process.  Maybe, the new year is all about discovering new methods or strategies that will enhance those things that you long to accomplish.  Embrace the process of growth and you will feel richer on the inside and life will appear to be a very colorful place!

Down to the wire...or not!

As the year comes to an end, I reflect upon the many accomplishments of the last 12 months (why bother reflecting on those things not accomplished?).  I was able to finish writing my youth fantasy book and get it sent off to my editor, as well as wrote five other books, one is already published.  For me, this year has been a very successful one even though it didn't start out that way.  Not only did I finally move into the career that I have longed for (thanks to the help of a very important person in my life), but I faced a few shaky circumstances in getting started; mainly not knowing what I was doing.  Now, I feel much closer to understanding what I am doing and feel more prepared for the new year.  

The next two weeks will be spent finalizing my marketing plan for my published book and getting my notes completed for the start of a new book that I will begin writing after January 1st.  I have to say, these last six months have been exciting; meeting thousands of new people, building marketing skills, networking constantly, and seeing dreams come to fruition.  As I get down to the wire...or not...I am thankful for all that has been accomplished and I feel a more accomplished person than ever before.  Thank you for sharing in this with me!  I wish each of you an accomplished and fun 2011.  May there be many more smiles than frowns; or if you frown may you turn your body upside down to make it into a smile!  The only real deadline in life is your happiness!

When life reminds us...

As the holidays approach for many around the globe (some already celebrating), we are often reminded during vacations just how stressful life can be.  I wonder why it takes vacations to remind us of stress.  Is it because we are so caught up in our stressful lives that when given opportunities to relax, our bodies decompensate and the internally crammed stress begins rising to the surface?  Or, is it because we feel that living with stress and so much to do has become the norm, thus making vacations the abnormal aspects of our lives?  If either are correct, it truly is a sad situation.  So, this holiday season, I want to encourage everyone to focus on enjoying your time away from your normal life and begin to adapt a vacation mentality.

What I mean by "vacation mentality" is this: If you are living your dream life, thus working a job or living a lifestyle that aligns your heart and mind, than you shouldn't be so stressed.  Each day is a wonderful presentation of all that you have done to get this far in life and should be viewed through palm-tree framed polarized sunglasses!  You should step back, often, and smile at the wonderful life that you live.  However, if your life is not your dream world than what is stopping you from achieving your dream world?  There are many small steps that everyone can take to get themselves one step further, towards living their dream.  You may not achieve it immediately but by taking one small step, you are at least believing in yourself and not allowing your dream to be forgotten.  As long as you are moving forward, you are successful!  So, what does your life remind you of?  Stress or vacation?

The art of waiting...

Did you ever have something great occur but had to wait to find out what it was?  Much like being giving a holiday gift but you couldn't open it right away.  Well, when my publisher first explained that my book was partially released (full release on Valentine's Day), I was inundated with ideas for marketing and immediately wanted to get my book into everyone's hands.  Which of course doesn't happen that way.  It took me a few days to relax and realize that marketing doesn't occur as rapidly as my thoughts or desires do.  Thankfully, I have a wonderful assistant who is hard at work to help me establish a great marketing strategy.  Not only does it comfort me to know that we are moving forward but it also helps me to appreciate each step of the process, just like writing a book.  One step at a time.  Of course I want my book in every household across the globe, who doesn't?  But, because I am not yet educated on the marketing build-up and having to wait for responses and planning strategies, it was easy for me to feel let down by things not moving quicker.

There is a time and place for everything.  It is a strategy that I live by and so should you.  I have just recently been reminded of this and now can ease my concerns, of not moving fast enough, because I know that we cannot force everything to happen when we want it to.  The universe moves at a different pace and as long as we don't interfere, things will work out great.  I love the unexpected things in life, that's what makes it so compelling and adventurous.  I don't want everything planned out to a tee, nor do I always want to know the details.  It makes this wave of life more enjoyable and surprising.  Who doesn't like surprises?  However, I am also an action-oriented person and when things aren't happening than I start to panic internally.  Most of us call it stress.  It is during these times that we need to calm ourselves and trust that we are being looked-out for.  By whom?  Well, let's just say that our lives are seen by the unseen!   

A dream come true!

I have always believed in dreams.  More importantly, I have always believed in dreams coming true.  For as long as I can remember, my dream was to be an author.  Though I didn't quite understand how to make my dream come to fruition, I continued to believe that one day it would, as long as I didn't lose sight of it.  As the next twenty years passed by, in a blur, I continued writing, never completing a book.  Then, I realized that I had no choice.  All of my other options in life came and went.  My passion for writing never left me and I knew that I needed to complete a book.  So, at a quiet time in my life, I spent three weeks writing my novel through to completion.  Then I put it away for the next two years and didn't write.  Over the next two years, my desire to write burned inside of me and I went on to spend fifteen Saturdays writing another book, which has now been published.  Today, I received an email from the publisher and they are sending me my author's copy of the book.  I won't even try to describe the joy and sorrow that swept over me.

Joy because of the thrill of finally living my dream.  Though I have written five other books since I finished writing the published work, I have opened myself up to accepting my path.  It has been a long road but I have realized the importance of doing what I have always wanted to do.  Regardless of income, I have to write.  Sorrow because of all that I had to go through to get to this point in my life.  I don't believe I wasted my life but I only wish that I would've understood the importance of living my dream early on.  In short, I can't believe that it is finally happening to me.  At the same time, I can.  As long as you believe in your abilities, it doesn't matter what others tell you.  You owe it to yourself to live your dream and one day, it will come true!  Thankfully, those years that I wasn't living my dream have taught me a lot and given me many stories to write about.  Thank you God, thank you universe, I believe I am now ready!

Overwhelmed with good things!

Too often, we forget that being overwhelmed is not always a bad thing.  Yesterday, I found out that my book 101 Behaviors a Guy Needs to Understand about His Woman! will be released much sooner than expected.  Suddenly, with the help of my amazing assistant Mary (see link at the right "writersassistant"), we went into crunch time to upload videos, put out the buzz, and more.  I cannot describe the feelings inside of the excitement that is pouring through me but it is probably like a fish in a dried up stream when suddenly a dam broke and water gushed out and filled the once dry space.  Instantly, there was life and lots of it and all I can think about doing is capitalizing on the moment and sharing the goodness with those who are by my side!

Being overwhelmed with good things can cause you to be more energetic than normal and it is best to take advantage of the surge of emotions and ideas as they occur.  Why?  Glad you asked.  This is a time when much creativity comes to the forefront and if you wait, you may forget.  So, jump on in and embrace those times when good things happen in your life.  Make the most of it, enjoy the ride, and always remember to include your support system in the process.  You don't have to win an Oscar to feel like a star!  There is no red carpet but I am seeing red in the love of all those who believe in me!

The right mood to write!

This applies to ever passion, writer or not!  There's really no question about it, when a writer is in the right mood to write, the writing is right on!  Okay, sorry for the alliteration but you have to admit that it makes a lot of sense.  As I work towards finishing my young adult fantasy, I have found that I haven't been in the right mood to successfully complete the ending.  Unfortunately, or fortunately, I have recently been bombarded with other tasks requiring my attention; editing my 101 Behaviors book, which is in the publishing process, has taken priority along with updating my blog sites with format and layout revisions, marketing on twitter, establishing my linked-in network, updating facebook, and interviewing marketers and assistants that will help me create material for marketing 101 Behaviors, has all consumed me.  Though I believe these are all good things to be happening right now, I really want to finish my YA fantasy book this week. I miss it!

Being in the right mood to write is extremely crucial.  As a writer, it is easy to get into the created story and stick with it through completion when not distracted by other needs.  However, sometimes it is difficult to leave the writing to attend to other needs when all you want to do is work on the story.  Though everything is equally as important to do (i.e. finished book=editing=publication=marketing=making a living), it is even more important to complete the projects that weigh on the mind heavier.  I have devised a simple solution for my life and want to share it with you.  Never try to clean the slate completely to make room for writing.  Why? The slate will never be empty!  As a writer, write.  When you need a break from writing (which we all do) then work on the slate of other tasks.  It's actually nice to sit in my p.jays at night and design my blogs. Whatever you do, as a writer or anything else, don't lose focus of your passion, mine is writing, because of everything you feel that you need to do.  You know as well as I do, the more you write, the better your mood and the better your writing because you're doing what you love to do.  Stay focused.  Excuse me now, I have a book to finish!

Success is never done alone!

I have always believed that the greatest part of success is sharing it with those who helped to get me there.  These past few weeks, as my book 101 Behaviors a Guy needs to Understand about his Woman! travels through the publishing process, I feel a great sense of success.  After seeing the cover design for the first time, I couldn't help but smile broadly and feel achieved.  There have been a few people in my life who greatly encouraged my writing and helped provide important feedback on the manuscript.  Now, as pre-marketing is underway, more people are joining in on my book endeavor.  It is such a great feeling, though many of them are only doing their jobs, to have such wonderful people also get excited about helping me get on the right track.  I can't help but be appreciative of their guidance and for keeping the fire lit!

Doing anything that causes a sense of success in your life is exciting and adds to your confidence of being on the right path.  However, never forget all of those people that helped you to get there.  Even the smallest action, such as someone telling you that you can do it, is an enormous gift to your success.  Please, take the time to let those people know how much you appreciate them.  The old adage comes to mind, "What goes around comes around."  I like to think that something is coming around for me which makes me feel even better knowing that I have done for others what is now being done for me.  So, without further ado, thank you!  I appreciate every single one of you for being there for me during this time and those who will help to carry the torch even further.  I cherish my friends, family, editor, publisher, marketers, people on the street who liked the idea when I first started talking about it, and especially those who offered kind words of encouragement.  May the cycle of sharing success never end and never be kept to only one person!

The Warrior Mom ---Straight Talk from the Heart.: Misplacing, Losing and Forgetting Stuff: How Does Your Family Confront This Reality?

The Warrior Mom ---Straight Talk from the Heart.: Misplacing, Losing and Forgetting Stuff: How Does Your Family Confront This Reality?

Write life!

There is nothing greater than when a writer takes the time to reflect upon their own life.  By doing so, writers are more able to get in tune with self; feelings, thoughts, ideas, dreams, etc.  Life throws many things at each one of us and it is important to take the time to analize how these things impact our lives.  Why?  Because one day, every writer will use these moments, emotions, thoughts, and more and incorporate them into the writing.  This is why I tend to spend a great deal of time focusing on the things that happen in my life.  To share these moments with you is not only growth and development in the analysis process but it also allows me to try to put these happenings into words.  Let's just say it is a sketch pad for first attempts to describe the sensations that I feel when living through such times.  Try it!

Think of a time that you experienced something that caused you to express great emotions, whether good or not so good.  Now, try to write about your situation.  By doing this, you are essentially establishing a note pad in your brain that you can recall later when you are writing about a similar situation in your book or article.  It's a great exercise to practice and make part of your routine.  As writers, we need to find ways to continue to build our skills.  We often get distracted by what we are writing (book, article, etc.) but need to take the time to hone our skills by writing about our own lives.  Have fun with it and write about yourself with passion and detail.  You never know, you may end up writing a great short story or even another book!

Closeness!

There are few moments in life when I, or most people, actually feel completely connected to someone else.  Often, we don masks to fit in or keep situations calm thus not truly being ourselves.  We like to join in on conversations and agree to things we don't really agree with or act in ways we normally wouldn't act if not in a particular circumstance.  Even though we try to be ourselves and emit our true emotions, ideas, beliefs, and behaviors, it is sometimes difficult to find "those people" that really accept who we are and everything else about us.  We all seem to have thoughts of what we are willing to accept and feel connected with, when around other people.  Thankfully, we are all different and so this is an acceptable practice.  However, imagine, if you will, what the world would be like if everyone accepted everyone, regardless of differences.

These past few days, for me, have been some of my greatest.  Not only has my father begun to accept the person that I am, and maybe he did all along, but we actually talked about it maturely for the first time.  The conversation was such a time of healing for me that the days to follow were absolutely fantastic.  Then, a person that I feel truly connected with in all areas of life came for a visit.  Though the visit was far shorter than I wished it to be, it made my heart leap with joy and of feeling accepted for the person that I am.  Love, it is a deep word that is often lived and expressed at the surface level.  Today, because my father has reached out to me, I feel years of wounds instantly healed.  I am so proud of my dad!  Today, because I was visited by a friend who truly understands everything about me, I feel blessed and appreciated.  Though these are two different forms of closeness, they are both examples of what true love is and I am grateful for them!

Writing with emotion...not emoticons!

Writing is one of the few methods left that actually allow a person to describe emotions.  Too often today, emotions are shut down by gadgets and make-shift pictures in texting, blogging, etc.  However, in order to truly connect with readers, writers need to use an old and proven practice that has held true for mutliple millenium: writing.  I remember when all forms of written communication were actually written out by hand.  Though I love the easier process of typing and punching phone keypads, when it come to telling a story, readers want to feel connected and the only way to make that happen is to literally write (type) with emotions.  For many writers, getting an emotional situation across is daunting if not impossible.  This is where acting school comes in-hand for writers. 

When writing from the heart, it is important to take a minute and put yourself back into a situation that allows you to feel.  Yes, feel the emotions.  If your writing a dark scene than remember a personally dark time.  If writing about love, remember a loving time, and so forth.  It is much easier to describe emotions when you can actually feel them.  Then, you will be able to expound upon them and use metaphores to help readers grip the scene as you want them too.  Today, as I write, I must put myself back into a time that was hurtful to me, reliving some of those damaging emotions so that I can accurately describe them for my readers.  I want my readers to feel the pain with me and to do that I will be sure that I too am feeling it too!

Healing...

There have been several things in my life that I have not always been so pleased about or proud of.  There have been many people that I have hurt, though unintentionally, as I strove to find my way in life.  A place where I felt that I belonged and could freely be the man that I am.  I have moved too many times to count and met endless numbers of people.  I have seen and climbed high mountain peaks, paddled dangerous rivers, backpacked for weeks at a time, and even saved a few lives along the way.  However, I never really found that special place that gave me the sense that I was where I was supposed to be.  Maybe my heart was torn between wounds of the past and dreams of the future.  Unknowingly to me, I would have to heal old wounds in order to move towards my dreams with the kind of success that includes the ones that I really want to be there with me.

As time passes and I continue to push myself forward in a world that moves extremely fast, I have, thankfully, matured.  Old attitudes and beliefs have been replaced with new outlooks and hopes.  Once ancient ideas and understandings have been dusted off and brought back to life.  With so many things that I wish I would have done better yet having no regrets of trying to comprehend me and my heart's desires.  For years I have wept because I felt alone and afraid, not knowing who I was.  For even more years, I have longed to be close with those that I cherish, my family of origin.  Now, I have taken a giant step towards healing all because others took a giant step too.  Tears flowed down my winter cold cheeks but my heart raced with gladness, feeling that maybe I have belonged the entire time.  I just didn't know it because I couldn't accept who I was and help others understand me at the same time.  Though I am starting to embrace me, I know I have a long way to go but it sure feels less lonesome to travel with the support of my family.  This is healing and I will one day write about it!

Things to write about!

The writing process is a wonderful thing, especially when you are not writing.  As I live life and experience several happenings around me, I can feel how certain scenarios touch on those deeper emotions that I had hoped were tucked safely away at the bottom of my well.  However, life often has tricks to play on a person and reminds them that such emotions still exist.  Events such as reconnecting with family, old friends, observing the passing of a loved one, trying to fit in, overcoming the past, and so much more.  For me, this past week has challenged my heart, pulling tightly on those strings that leave me stranded between wanting to run away and wanting to run closer to those who do the pulling.  These same people cause me to feel, to experience something emotionally risky, and to pay close attention to what is happening inside of me.

As I write, such scenarios help me to actually write better.  When I develop characters, environments, kitchen scenes, funerals, family interactions, etc., such life experiences help me to reflect and accurately record those feelings in the words that I write.  Those experiences, though they may not be easy to live through, or they become easier to live through and appreciate, allow me to write with feeling, from the heart, and describe the stringed instrument that plays chords in my heart and my soul.  They allow me to let the reader get a true glimpse inside and live through it with me.  It is what makes connections between writer and reader.  For that, I am thankful for the awkward, comfortable, healing, and sometimes dreadful experiences which have given me plenty of things to write about in great detail.  That's the beauty of life, we can all draw from our experiences to enhance who we are and how we live!

A life-long gift!

Often, days begin with flat emotions, unsure of what to expect and how to feel.  In a place full of history, hurt, love, and times rather forgotten, my heart beat, waiting for my mind to decipher the scenario so that it could leap or plummet.  Like many others, I live far away from those that I call family.  Now, as I return home for the funeral of one of our most adored patriarchs, I am torn between happiness and sadness.  I am happy because I know that my grandmother's broken heart, from losing my grandfather three and a half years ago, is mended for eternity.  My sadness comes as I wonder, with both grandparents gone from earth, how our family will remain glued together and who will step up and into such loving shoes? 

Since I was born, my grandmother had loved without judgement and always with great care.  Her kind words gave us hope during rough times and brought great satisfaction to our souls.  When we had family get-togethers, I would travel across the country just to see her and feel her loving arms wrap around me.  She wanted nothing more than for our family to be close.  She wanted us to always be together and forgive wounds of the past.  She wanted healing for each of us though none of us could heal her from aging.  Today, as grandmother rested in her white box with painted on flowers and a pink interior, her wish came true, at least for today.  Her family was together and things once thought important or hurtful between family members had been forgotten, maybe even forgiven, as we relished in her legacy and offering us a life-long gift: love!

Making the best of the worst.

It's early, the dark sky helps the street lights to reflect the drizzling rain on the window.  Bright beads of moisture fall to the ground.  I am a bit unsettled this morning, having just flown across the country to be with family and attend my grandmother's funeral, my eyes are noticing every spec of detail that surrounds me.  The beach painting on the wall and the plaques neatly lined up across the mantel.  Photos from the 70's and reed stalks standing at attention in the corner.  I ask myself why they are there.  Now, as I sit and type on a faster computer than mine, I accept that I am not in my warm, cozy den of a space.  I am not home, which causes my senses to be on high-alert and decipher what's around me.  Though being here isn't truly new, being that it is my family, it is more that we lost a cherished and adored woman and I don't think we know what to do next.  Her death is hard to make sense of.

That's the beauty in writing.  It is often difficult to make sense of the process yet as we live through it, developng space and characters, researching facts and timelines, marketing, reaching out, and all of the "stuff" that comes with it, as a writer, I embrace every little detail of it, liked or disliked.  One thing that my grandmother taught me in life was to never sway from what you believe in.  For me, I believe in every character that I write about, every scene that is created, or on the non-fiction side, every person that my professional background will help through my experiences that I can share in words.  Before all of that, I believe in myself and I am grateful that I had a grandmother who believed in me too!  When we face tough times and not-so-good moments, it is easier to get through them when we recall the easy times and those extraordinary happenings that we were blessed to be a part of.  I will get through her funeral.

Life's unexpected shifts...a heart's awakening!

This morning I woke, ready to take on the day of writing and hopefully finishing my fantasy book.  I poured my sweet aromatic coffee and brought the warm mug to my lips.  That first, most savoring touch of morning brew hightened my senses as life began to pour into my body once more.  I sat and enjoyed the next few sips, making sure my mind was alert and prepared for creating a magically wonderful ending to my fantasy tale.  Then, the phone rang.  As I took notice of the caller I.D., I knew it wasn't good news.  Though I live far away from my family, I stay in touch enough to know that they typically are at work so early in the day.  The caller was my brother who went on to inform me that one of my most cherished family members had passed away unexpectedly while the sky was still black.  Tears rushed out of my eyes and all things planned were now postponed for something of greater importance; remembering.

Today, I write in honor of my Grandmother of whom I am extremely thankful to have experienced almost four decades of life with.  Her precious smile and curious laughter when she greeted me on her front porch always brought me comfort.  Just like the way she called my name, often after I said something rediculous.  She never judged nor shamed.  She would pat my hand, sandwiched between her arthritic palms, and tell me how love often operated.  Her words were gentle and sincere, always hopeful of healing old wounds.  With eyes that told me she loved and cared for me deeply and a fragile embrace that wrapped around all of who I am, she is the bravest and lovliest woman that I know.  Her heart is, and always has been committed to my grandfather, spanning almost sixty years of marriage.  Now, she will be able to rejoin her prized companion through her courage and strength of walking through the doors of eternity.  Today, my tears are of sadness and of peace, knowing that my grandmother's life has been completed on earth and now will begin anew in heaven.  I love you Grandma.  Thanks for being my angel!  

Thankful for Quiet!

As the weekend passed by, I found the quiet around me surreal.  As the people around me emptied the complex's parking lots to visit family for the holidays, I found this a great time to focus on my book and write, a lot!  Sometimes, writers need a naturally quiet environment, as opposed to the aritifical ones that we try very hard to create, which can be exhausting.  When noise is all around us, it can often be a strenuous task to block the outside world and keep ourselves from being distracted.  This past weekend, I found it a great opportunity, and an easy one, to just write without worrying about distractions.  The parking lot of my complex was vacant and the maintenance crew had off.  There were no passerbys shouting at their dogs as they "walked" them.  When I looked out of my window, I saw peace.

The fantasy book for young readers that I've been working on, requires my full attention.  With creative worlds, characters, and happenings, it was much easier this weekend to envision the scenes because I wasn't distracted.  Though I didn't get to see family for the holiday, I did get to see some of them clearly in my mind, as a few of the characters are based off of their personalitites.  Yes, I long for such moments of quiet and, despite missing a thanksgiving feast, I engulfed far less calories!  Besides, I'm thankful everyday, which means that I can celebrate Thanksgiving when I'm not creating a fantasy world.

Black Friday Blue-Tooth's rise to Shame! (song included)

I can't help to think about all the wonderful people who are getting trampled, even as I write this.  I woke this morning envisioning aisles filled with wounded bodies, lying helplessly on the floor, yet amazingly their arms still reached for another sale item just at the tip of their fingers.  I saw shopping bags ripped open, spilling their contents onto the tiled retail race-track.  Now sing along to my Black Friday song, just think Rudolph:

Men, women, and even children, (And HERE IS THE SONG PART) dashing and smashing, jetting and fretting, shoving and no-loving, until they finally saw, the most famous item of alllllllll...two-dollars off a blue tooth, that had a very tiny light, and if you every blocked it, your hand would light up at night...all of the other shoppers, used to laugh and called them games, they never felt that bluetooth, would ever amount to fame...then one dropped call yesterday, turkeys came to say, why don't you buy something great, something you'll appreciate...then all the other shoppers, ran into their nearest mall, bluetooth the alien's headset, you'll be used in bathroom stalls!

Happy Black Friday!

Happy to say Thanks!

Imagine if it was the law to say "Thank You" everytime you spoke to someone.  Regardless of the other person being a stranger, a family member, a lover, a long time friend, etc.  And, if you didn't say "Thank You" then the other person could report you to the authorities, who could garnish your wages, arrest you, imprison you for repeat offenses, and so on.  Now, imagine if someone didn't say "Thank You" to you and it was your responsibility, your duty to report them.  It is your role and their role to help society maintain an attitude of thanks.  What if it was your lover who didn't say "Thank You?"  What if it was your mother? Or your child?  Would you fulfill your duties to society? 

In today's communities across the globe, saying "Thank You" is often neglected.  Instead, many have turned away from such a simple saying and have forgotten what it is to be thankful.  No, I wouldn't want it to be a law, it would certainly lose its meaning of importance as history has taught us, but I do wish that the world would remember how good it makes us feel and the affect it has on those we say it to.  So, be happy to say "Thanks" and be thankful that it isn't law.  Also, if you're thankful in your heart for all you do have in life, you'll be happier to share it!  Happy Thanks-Giving day!

In the midst of greatness!

It is amazing when a person realizes they are in the midst of something great.  Regardless of whether it is earth-shattering or something more personal, when greatness happens you must embrace it.  As I continue writing my fantasy book for younger readers, I realized yesterday that I was now captivated by the story.  When I first starting writing the story it seemed a grueling task, one that I wasn't sure I was capable of actually completing.  However, I pushed through it because I wanted to write this story for a very personal reason.  Now, as the story continues to unfold and the characters and details become livelier to me, I have discovered that I am in the midst of something great, for me, and hopefully many others who may one day read this book.

So, how does one realize when they are in the midst of their own great happening?  The answer is relatively easy which often makes it difficult to see.  So easy in fact, that many, including myself, often overlook it.  Realizing you are in the midst of something great unfolding becomes known when you accept that it is consuming you.  You cannot stop thinking about it, visualizing it, wanting more of it.  It is touching on the core of emotions and desires that you are trying to create, much like a detective wanting nothing more than to solve the case.  Then, after you realize something wonderful is taking shape, embrace it as it has embraced you.  Ride it out until completion and an overwhelming sense of great satisfaction will wave over you and fill your senses, causing them to erupt with emotional pleasure.  Yes, it is that sensual.  It is time to feel proud of yourself for creating something great!

A day of mindfulness!

It's a lovely fall Saturday and I am stepping away from writing today so that my mind has the room to create with little distractions.  Sometimes, we just need to give our mind a break so that it can download the scenery and events of the upcoming chapter, or blog, or article, or whatever.  Yesterday, I wrote so much that I became obsessed with it to the point that I had difficulty stopping.  Not necessarily a bad thing but exhausting nonetheless.  So, in honor of all you who are driven to press on and make it in this world, I wish you a happy Saturday. May you be mindful of your mind!

Fantasy: Day 2

Now that I had completed the first chapter of my new fantasy book for young readers (ages 10-15), and have all of the places, characters, and so forth written neatly next to my computer for quick reference, it was time to start on chapter 2.  Wow, that was a lot to say.  Coincidentally, that is also how I felt.  As I stared at my laptop from across the room, I felt like maybe I had taken on more than I could chew, swallow, and actually digest.  With so many things to remember to ensure the storyline carried out consistently, I felt overwhelmed.  Then, I had a nice little "self-talk" with my creative side.  If I was able to start the story than I also new that I could see it through to completion, regardless of how difficult.  After all aren't we, as writers and doers on this earth, supposed to stretch our boundaries every now and again.  Needless to say, I am stretching mine and going beyond my comfort zone, which actually makes me feel proud to take-on such an involved project.  If I can make it through this, I mean, when I make it through this, I will be that much richer in my confidence!

So, I opened my computer and my notepad.  I etched a timeline of events that would occur in the story and titled the places and characters not yet announced.  Next, I reread the first chapter to refresh my mind on the direction of the story and finally started typing.  Almost as if hitting the pause button on my dvd remote (no, I don't have a universal remote) to unpause where I had left off, the story gradually began unfolding and moving again in my head.  Before I knew it I had picked up right where I left off and made it through chapter 2.  Remarkable!  I am even more excited now as I feel my confidence rising and my creativity truly blossoming.  I didn't think I could and am elated to realize that I can.  So can YOU!

Creative Mind!

It never ceases to amaze me how the mind is able to create.  Yesterday, I began writing a fantasy chapter book for young readers (ages 10-16).  Before beginning, I sat at my desk and desperately tried to conger up characters, places, events, and so forth.  My mind was blank, often known as writer's-block.  However, I have always struggled with the idea that writer's minds ever actually go blank.  We have so much to write about, regardless of genre and typical direction.  I have found that I am not able to limit myself to one or two genres because I really never know exactly what or where my creative thoughts are headed to.  I just like to write and I will write about anything to keep my fingers moving on the key pad.  When I sense a block coming on, like a headache, I take appropriate action and just begin typing the first thought that comes to mind.  Just like I would jump up and take a pill to offset a headache.  I take action to ward off being blocked by my own lack of trying.

So, yesterday, I typed my first thought for my fantasy book and the next thing I knew, I was twelve pages and three hours in and had developed nineteen fantasy places and characters in the first chapter.  Wow!  I was so amazed by the creative process that I ran out to the store and purchased a notebook so that I could write down the nineteen new places and characters just so I could keep up with myself.  Also, I needed to help myself so that I wouldn't have to keep back-searching to remember what, where, and who things were as I continue to build the story.  I know this is going to be a tedious task but one that is absolutely thrilling as my mind continues to unfold its fantasy side.  I have never written fantasy before but I am willing to embrace the process and the potential of what this book will become!  I would say "cheers" to you but that word is not in the world that my mind recently created!

Small things!

After finishing my rewrite of 400 pages of my novel, I feel exhausted.  As many of you know, taking on big projects requires a great deal of energy, time, passion, and the kind of stick-to-it-ness that is hard to give to other, lesser, projects.  So, today, instead of throwing myself into something new, I decided it would be best to put the finishing touches on some small-scale projects.  For instance, I will be editing a 1,500 word short story for an upcoming competition.  The genre is sci-fi, which is my first attempt at writing something out of this world (ha!).  Actually, it has been a lot of fun creating a story that is not my typical style.  I tend to lean more towards romance, relationships, self-help, poetry, and such.  So, working on something completely different for me brings with it a splash of freshness.

Sometimes, tapping into areas that we are not typically drawn to can be a very beneficial strategy.  If we spend most of our time doing certain things, we are constantly using the same forces of energy and focus which can become mundane.  However, when we mix things up a bit and do something different, we pull upon different resources to help us out.  As for me, writing a sci-fi short story has allowed me to call upon creative juices that are not always so present.  It is easy for me to write on relationships and health because I have worked in those fields for quite a while.  Now, with the sci-fi, I get to put what I know aside and research deeper levels of my brain, or computer, to create.  Thankfully, it is a small project but it has a large impact on making my day great.  When I'm finished with this short story, I will be longing to pour myself back into an area that I am more familiar with!  cheers!

Finished rewriting novel!

I believe a celebration is due.  After a grueling weekend of rewriting and avoiding rewriting, especially the end, the most difficult piece, it's done.  It wasn't as difficult as I had imagined but, nonetheless, it still tugged on many of my emotions.  I believe it was almost just as fun rewriting the novel as it was writing the original copy.  Now, I am stuck on deciding what to do next.  With a novel and a self-help guide ready to go, I am torn between working on my children's project or a young adult project that involves a very heavy committment.  Plus, there is still another novel already laid out.  I'm leaning toward something a bit more animated. 

I think it will be best to take a break from heavy writing and focus on something a little lighter, the children's project.  This is something I have been waiting for more than a year to write and just needed to wait for the download to come into my brain.  The story line is in place but and, as you know with projects, I need to put the pieces together for it all to make sense.  It should be another exciting adventure that I can't wait to sink my teeth into.  But, before I do that, I think I'll send out a few queries on the novel.  After all, that is why I did the rewrite, right?  Ha! 

Transference!

Now that I have mailed off my final manuscript to the publisher for my relationship-guide for men, I spent most of yesterday continuing to work on my rewrite for my novel.  It amazes me how feelings about a situation can stay with someone for such a long time.  As a professional counselor for many years, I thought I possessed the tools to handle my emotions better and put an end to feeling so hurt and grief-stricken.  My novel, for those who don't know, has many elements that I actually experienced a few years ago.  Though I have written it in a ficitonal manner, the thoughts and feelings of the event still haunt me even as I rewrite them. 

Initially, I wrote the novel as a method to vent my anger and sadness.  That was more than two-and-a-half years ago.  When I was finished the first time, I printed one copy and stored it away, not to be looked at again.  However, I couldn't get it off of my mind because I believe it is a really good story.  When I pulled it down from the shelf recently, to rewrite it, I felt emotionally ready to handle it, so I thought.  For the first three-hundred pages, I was able to manage the rewrite just fine.  I have healed a lot over the past couple of years and approached the rewrite from a writer's point of view and not as an actual character of the book.  However, yesterday, I could feel my emotions building inside of me as I wrote through the storm of that all too familiar event.  By the end of the day, I was upset, frustrated, angry, and needed to shut-down my computer and walk away from it.  I proceeded to go to the gym and workout to help relieve my emotions but found that my body was responding to them with exhaustion.  Though I completed a workout, it was a light one, far different from my normal weight-lifting routine.  When I left the gym, I felt good and relaxed which surprised me even more. 

Today, it was my goal to go back into my novel, as I am a mere ninety pages from completing the rewrite, but I could sense my anxiety rise just from thinking about it.  It was a traumatic time for me when the event actually occurred.  Though I added in many fictional scenes, the particular point of the book that I will have to face is, and was, the most difficult time of my life.  I think it will be best to give myself one more day before I go back in and face my greatest emotional challenge.  It is important to listen to your body! 

Ending the Edit!

Today is a very exciting day for me as I approach the last leg of editing my book, 101 Behaviors a Guy needs to Understand about His Woman!  It's such a fun book to read for couples and, as most people know, for those men who struggle to understand some of the behaviors that their beautiful woman may exhibit.  As I was editing the work, which is due this coming Monday, I found myself chuckling away at my own humor.  I know, sounds a bit egotistical but it was quite funny considering I haven't read it in over six months.  I just hope that those who buy the book approach it with an open-mind and a fun-filled heart.  The book is really meant to be fun but also to open the eyes of men and help them realize what many women experience and why.  No, I am not a woman but I do have a very soft side, a feminine side, that I don't mind putting on display for the sake of improving relationships. 

Today, as I prepare to mail the manuscript to the publisher, I feel a great sense of accomplishment.  I know the editing process is not fully complete yet, but I also know that I have worked really hard on this book.  For a brief moment, I paused to rethink whether or not I wanted this book published.  I questioned my intent and tried to decide if this is the kind of material I want readers to know me for.  Well, that answer was tricky to say the least.  Yes, I want it published because once upon a time I believed in the humor of it and saw the value of making tricky scenarios less threatening.  And, yes, I want to be known as someone that can make progress and growth, in any area, easier to comprehend.  Things don't always have to be as tough as we make them!

Sign Contract & Break!

Two days ago I finally decided to sign the contract, that was offered to me, for various reasons.  One, I asked my group members on Linked-in for some much needed guidance.  I polled those in the group that have had experience with publishing and a few of them had direct experience with the same publisher that offered me the contract.  Their insight was extremely valuable but more so, they each helped me overcome mental barriers about publishing and fill in the gaps of what I didn't know.  Two, once I had my expert panel in place, I was able to get past wanting more and being unrealistic.  I learned to accept the small step of success that would help me move on to greater successes.  I often forget that success has many levels.  I wanted to be instantly recognized and famed but needed to understand that I haven't proven myself yet.  This small step would begin my foundational work of proving myself.  Three, I really needed to have a book published for my own psyche.  This would give me the boost of being a Published Author and it will add an extra bit of motivation to keep writing and believing in myself.  Four, I also really wanted to get this book: 101 Behavior a Guy Needs to Understand about His Woman!, off of my plate and to be done with it!  I had so much fun writing it and it is just as fun to read (so I've been told) but I have since moved on to other material and need to free up space for new works.

Now, that I have made my decision, it is time to celebrate my small step of success and take a much needed break.  Though my rewrite of my novel: The Unleashing, is almost complete, I'm taking two days off to refresh my mind and get out of the city.  Yes, I might gamble 20 dollars (I'm pretty cheap) and eat cajun food with a good friend.  More importantly, I'm clearning my mind from books so that when I return I can put my nose to the grind again and get my next contract.  Thanks to all of you who are supporting me with your smiles, kind words, knowledge, and your own successes.  We all need a break sometime!

Stormy days!

The weather outside was frightful...I love that verse!  Today's weather was stormy as the winds howled non-stop and my chair on the balcony bounced with each gust.  I couldn't help but work on my psycho-thriller rewrite.  I can understand the importance of working on different projects and can appreciate the value they bring.  Sometimes, as a writer, it is easy to focus solely on one thing, especially when writing a book.  However, by changing the project up and working on something different, there is a newness that fills the senses and fresh energy resurfaces as if just starting anew.  I had so much fun today working on my rewrite that I was completely captured by it.  Six hours passed by as if it had only been two and the story gained new life as details forgotten came to life. 

So, even though the weather may be frightful outside, it can be cause to stay in and work on something new, or reapproach something old.  Either way, you win and it is invigorating.  Often, we just need something different to pick us back up!  I'm sort of hoping tomorrow is just as stormy as today!

Opening the Windows!

Today, the day after Halloween, was a bit of a recovery day.  My body struggled to recooperate from last night's binge of halloween costumes and dark ales.  The apartment was filled with opression and sadness, so it seemed, and I felt ironed onto my sofa.  Thick and invisible weights rested upon my chest, matting me deeper into the cushions.  The only part of my body that I felt comfortable enough to move was my thumb and only to select a different channel on the remote.  Something had to change so I closed my eyes and napped for two hours.  Oh what a relief that was.  When I woke, I immediately opened the windows and new, fresh air filtered in through the screens.  Its cool feel quickly replaced the iron's steaminess and the energy in my thumbs began spreading into my fingers as well. 

Sometimes, we just need to take a break and give our bodies ample time to rest.  Writing, though exciting and adventurous, can be stressful.  As I sit at my desk for long hours I can feel the tension in certain parts of my body but often neglect my physical needs and direct my attention to mending my stories.  Now that I am rested and feeling alive, t is time to write again and that is exciting!

The Unexpected!

For the past three days I have been working hard at rewriting my novel from two and a half years ago.  At first, I didn't want to do it and actually had stuffed it away in a bag just so I wouldn't see it sitting there, beckoning for my attention.  I knew that editing would be a daunting task but I also knew it needed a thorough rewrite and I wasn't sure that I was ready to give it that much time and energy.  However, once I started I knew I wouldn't be able to stop.  I'm not sure how others approach their work but I become quite obsessed with my work and it consumes me completely until finished.  When I'm on a writing project, it is all I can think about, day and night.  I neglect other things like meeting with friends for dinner or participating in costume contests for Halloween, thought I enjoy them both.  I cannot escape the grip of the project because I know that it's not complete.  In order to escape I must, like Medusa's snakey head, hide it away being sure not to look at it in fear of turning in a stone figure at my desk.

Thankfully, I am really enjoying the rewrite on my novel.  I had forgotten much of it so it was almost like reading it for the first time.  I am amazed at how much I have developed my writing skills over the years and how lively I can turn a scene into.  Yes, it is consuming me but I'm enjoying it so I don't feel neglectful or overwhelmed.  And, no, I haven't turned into stone either.  I have answered two phone calls out of twenty-three over the last three days!  I'll have to eventually listen to my messages but for now, they can wait!

Rewrite Time!

After struggling yesterday as to whether or not I would accept a potential contract for my book 101 Behaviors a Guy Needs to Understand about His Woman!...I decided to revisit a novel I had written two and a half years ago.  I have learned a great deal over these past two years about writing and it showed as I read and began editing, again.  I wanted to bring the story from a third person account to a first person account and quickly discovered that I was making several changes to the first ten pages.  Then, I was committed.  With more than a hundred thousand words to go through, as many of you writers know, once you start a project it is difficult to walk away from it.  Today, I have cleared my entire schedule to focus on nothing but rewriting my novel. 

The funny think about my Novel, The Unleashing, is that when I originally wrote it, I did so in four short weeks.  Mainly because the storyline was already played out in my head and the emotions were real emotions of a situation that I had experienced a few years before.  That was something that I have learned over the past two years about writing.  When the writer can identify with the story, being close to home, the content is written with more passion and detail.  Now, two years later, I am witnessing my development in writing and watching my story come to life even more.  I like this story about a single man who begins making progress towards success and reaching his dreams when he meets the love of his life, so he believes.  After having a child, he realizes his true calling of being a father and is devoted to being the best husband and father he can be, unlike his own dad.  Without warning, his wife leaves him while her family hides their son from him and he is left to deal with the overwhelming emotions of having his life violated traumatically.  As he fights the courts to maintain his rights of fatherhood, the battle intensifies between him and his now ex-wfie's family who is cultish by religous standards.  Don't want to tell too much just yet but it's a good one!  Back to rewriting!

Feel the Energy!

Today is a fantastic day.  I can feel the energy all around and cannot wait to get to writing.  I'll share that yesterday I received an offer to print a book I wrote earlier in the year and had all but forgotten about since I began marketing my most recent one.  The book is titled, "101 Behaviors a Guy Needs to Understand About His Woman!  P.S. It will make your life easier and her love for you greater!"  I give 101 tiny situations that many relationships experience, (from dating, P.M.S., in front of friends, marriage, around family, and more) and offer men tips on how to best handle the behavior exhibited by the woman of his dreams, especially when he just doesn't get it.  It's a fun read for couples and should be taken that way!

This contract is a boost I desperately needed and I can feel the change happening already.  I do not feel completely secure about the publisher but it's my first book and I would love to get it out of the way and use it as a stepping stone to establish  more credentials.  Plus, I would love to show it to my mother so she could finally believe in me a little more.  I want her to be proud of me and stop thinking I'm foolish to follow my dreams.  Truthfully, I think she just worries about my 'starving artist' lifestyle but I don't mind it.  Outside of not having much food, I like my beard and lack of knowing what is going to happen next.  Only now however, I know that there is a publisher who is interested in MY work and I will embrace the joy that comes with it!!  I still believe I would feel more secure having an agent watch out for me in this industry, I am excited and should be.  Agents obviously know much more than I do but then again, how would I know which agent is right for me?  It's all about establishing a good relationship.  Besides, I don't mind marketing my own work.  Hell, I'm proud of it!  Tee-shirt anyone?

Changing Seasons!

I took off from writing on Sunday to enjoy the cooler Texas weather.  Finally, a break from heated humidity and a chance to witness the leaves rustling in the wind.  I like to think of Sunday's as my day of rest and a time to recooperate from a tedious week of wonder and worry.  Almost like physical exercise, it allows me to recover from exercising my mind and face Monday with a fresh start.  Today, Monday, I am not feeling as fresh as I would like.  My email held in it one more rejection.  To offset my early morning dissappointment, I quickly flipped through the pages of my Guide to Literary Agents and sent off two more proposals to random agents who support my genre.  With a "take that" attitude, as I slammed my finger down on the 'enter' tab of my keyboard, I almost felt vindicated but frustrated still. 

I am not from a wealthy home with tons of support and contacts.  Most people on this earth do not even know that I exist yet I believe in myself enough to not let that stand in my way.  My life is a quiet life, having never been one to need much socialization.  I guess I am more of a loner whose mind is occupied with great ideas and a heartfelt desire to help others.  In my twenty years as a professional counselor, I never cared about the money but only being able to help someone get through the present day hurdle they were facing.  It was always my belief that if I could positively influence someone today, their tomorrow wouldn't seem as negative.  Now, as I try to help people through my writing, wanting to reach a larger audience, I wish I had more contacts to make the process a bit easier.  Then again, I will embrace the process of getting published, including the continuous days of frustration and feeling like a failure, because I know that when my books reach the shelves of stores it will all be worth it!  I am following my own counsel.  Even as winter approaches, my heart is still warm!

Saturday Storms!

I was supposed to go on a hike today to get away from the stress of looking at my email, waiting for an agent to reply positively.  When I rolled out of bed the sky was gray.  Within an hour it was raining and suddenly tornado warnings blared through the howling wind.  Soon, trees were toppling over and hail began to pour down on my porch.  I stepped outside to look into the moving clouds and it was cold.  Sirens continued roaring as I watched the hovering white moisture turn circles and become ever thick and scary.  I withdrew into my third floor apartment and slipped on my flip-flops.  As I hustled down the stairwell and out to my car, the sky was black but I didn't mind.  This was a perfectly good excuse to skip the hike and head to the gym for a workout.  At least, at the gym, there is a downstairs that I could run to just in case a tornado did touch down.  Instead of waiting to see what would happen outside, I focused on doing something healthy inside.  It was a good workout and the sky is still crying upon idling souls.

My horoscope said that I should do what I want to today and relax.  I agreed.  This past week was strenuous with no new news of my getting signed by an agent.  Yesterday, I wrote an article and sent it off to three major U.S. newspapers with the hope that someone would read it and want to print it.  I still haven't received my first "by-line" which makes it even tougher for me to validate my writing.  I am a good writer though I just need someone in the business to confirm it.  Then, I will be able to prove to my mother that all of my dreams are coming true and she will better understand why I left home at the age of 17.  I knew I was different than my family of origin and it is safe to say that they don't quite get me.  They don't understand my dreams because they are far different than my upbringing and what they know.  As the first to graduate college, and with a few degrees, my family and I see life differently and I want more than what they were able to teach me.  I am not better than they are but I am more driven to do the things that I dream about doing.  Writing is my life because I have so much to say and guidance to offer people who are suffering.  I believe in myself and I guess, for now, that's really all I need but it would be so much sweeter if an agent believed in me too!

Today's storm reminds me that the weather can change rather quickly and so can my representation status.  Just because it is cloudy today doesn't mean it will be cloudy tomorrow!  I'm going to breakthrough this week and find a more positive outlook on this process.  My excitement is overwhelming and I shouldn't worry about rejections.  Failure is the door leading to success as long as I keep walking forward!

Permission to Sail!

This morning was a slow start as I lay in bed just imagining what it would feel like when an agent would finally contact me and want to represent my book Think Good, Feel Good, Live Good: Overcoming Traumatic Situations in Life!  I admit, just thinking about it made me smile some and just as quick I was over-powered with self-defeating thoughts such as, "Who am I that someone would publish me?" and, "What do I have to offer that truly can help another person who doesn't even know me?"  and a few more that I will omit from this post.  Then, I remembered a poem I had written a while back that I will share with you now:

Permission to Sail

Shall I ignore my heart today,

To avoid tomorrow’s sorrow, or

Consent to the feelings uprising,

Ready to set sail, or shall I leave

The masts unaccompanied, vacant

And alone, feeling the winds of

Change passing by; Too long, my

Heart has remained docked, tied

Down and anchored, only wishing,

Waiting for a just breeze, tired of

Watching the others as they turn

Aft and bow into the rolling sea,

Disappearing o’er the horizon,

Guided only by the catch, of

When sails and winds meet; The

Sea-sons may turn, often without

Warning, lofting gales upon drifting

Hearts, or allowing smooth crossings,

Uninterrupted, continuing to feed the

Sheets, to carry the ship along,

Though such matters weigh not on

The captain’s mind, as the thrill of

Being asea, wetting the hull, today,

Of consenting to the winds, when

They beckon, far outweighs the

Sorrow that may come, if it

Arrives at all.

So, without further ado, I am giving myself permission to sail onward and to face what may come my way.  Whether dread, sorrow, courage, or success, I would never know unless I turn towards the open sea!  Good day mates!

Finger Crossing

Last night I went to bed telling a friend that I had my fingers crossed that tomorrow would bring good news in my progress of getting published.  So, when I woke this morning, I made some coffee and stared at my computer hoping I hadn't jinxed myself.  I just stared.  I think I even squinted for a minute or two as it sat on my desk still closed.  My own computer has no idea how much power it possesses over my life.  I knew if I opened it I would be committed to finding out whether or not I received the good news that my crossed fingers promised me.  I took a long sip of my Sumatra with cream and inhaled the aroma of this Indonesian blend.  Just like Sumatra, I felt like an island trapped between two oceans.  Good news means progress while no news means nothing new.  If that wasn't a bit of intelligence I don't know what is.  Oh well, I need to open it sooner or later.  Another sip followed by a long sigh and my fingers reached down to lift the lid on how the rest of my day would feel. 

In my email was another rejection but only this time there was a referral within the message.  That's never happened before.  The agent thought of another agent that might be interested in my book.  That's actually good news!  I put my coffee down and felt a sense of happiness and progress.  I typed a quick 'thank-you' reply to the agent who rejected me.  I never knew whether or not agents like that kind of thing.  Then, I typed up a new email with the referred agents address and attached my proposal with a small introduction in the email body.  I was sure to add that I was 'referred' by agent number 1.  Just writing that actually made me feel pretty good too.  I like this finger crossing thing.  Tonight, maybe I'll even cross my toes.

Today's Frustrations

This morning I woke up and went directly to my email, looking for signs of hope from query letters and a proposal that I just sent out yesterday.  I realize that my enthusiasm is a bit overdone but I need something, a good reply maybe, that affirms my ability to write something well.  My most recent book: Think Good, Feel Good, Live Good: Overcoming Traumatic Situations in Life! was completed more than a month ago.  Since that time, I have been formulating query letters and expressing them via email to potential agents who claim to handle topics such as mine.  I was sure to research agent's websites to double-check the Writer's Market suggestions of agents and have sent off possibly too many queries.  What can I say?  I'm ambitious.  Only a third have responded with polite rejections but at least I know they received my plea for publishing. 

As I continue trying to break into this prestiges field of writing, I find myself quarreling with my passion to write and publish a good work with the stress of realism and ever amassing bills.  I know I can do this and I know that my book is worthy of being read by the more than 100,000 people who suffer trauma annually.  Maybe, I need to find an agent that has suffered through trauma so they can easily identify with my book's empowering content.  Maybe, for those who have already read my book out of interest, they will know someone and recommend me.  Maybe, I shouldn't worry about this any longer and continue on to write my next book, A Tree without Leaves: Discovering who you really are if the world's influences weren't there! 

Oh well, I'll keep checking to see if I get a good response later today.  Until then, I hope the article I sent to the New York Times will be accepted.  The world needs to know the truth about the devestation America causes by limiting a father's access to their children just because they are behind on child suppport.  At least, I believe they do!  With the holidays coming up, the government should bailout fathers and allow them to spend quality time with their kids.  It wouldn't cost them a dime but, oh right, automobiles are more important!

Remember, walk through the storm!